Thinking Twice About "Hooking Up"

In movies today, losing virginity is often celebrated as a rite of passage. But some young women are finding a disconnect between today's mentality that sex is nothing more than a one-evening hook up, and their own feelings. They know intuitively that sex should mean something more. Now, of course, some women want to be "players." At the same time some guys/men are not just out to play the field.

A recent study, "Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right: College Women on Mating and Dating Today" sheds some insights on the topic. This is the first nationwide study to document the prevalence of "hooking up" on college campuses, saying it is widespread and profoundly influences campus culture. Hooking up is a current term for sex without commitment (however, it doesn't necessarily always mean sex). Forty percent of women in the study said they had experienced a hook-up, and one in ten reported having done so more than six times. (Institute for American Values)The report defined a hook-up as "when a guy and girl get together for a physical encounter and don't necessarily expect anything further." A physical encounter could be anything from kissing to having sex, most often when both participants are drinking.

While the expectation of these relationships is that nothing will develop after a hook up, the study found that many young women nevertheless hoped that it would. A news release on the study reported that a female student at SUNY-Stony Brook, when asked how satisfied women were with the social situation on campus, responded, "Not very, because they want a stable relationship and they haven't been able to find that and sometimes get hurt by guys."

A Princeton graduate noted: "The whole thing is a very male-dominated scene. Hooking up lets men get physical pleasure without any emotional connection, but for women it's hard to separate the physical from the emotional. Women want the call the next day."

The report also looked at the phenomenon of some students being "joined at the hip" on the college dating scene. Because college guys and girls can spend just about all of their hours together if they want to, some don't develop any other friendships or relationships. They can eat, do laundry, study together, and sleep in the same room (again, with or without sex). Co-ed dorms perhaps bring together men and women in more realistic situations than just formal dating, but yet there is something to be said for too much familiarity breeding disrespect.

The good news for parents is that at least half (54 percent) of the women in the study felt that their parents had more influence than their friends on how they thought about relationships and men. Out of this survey, 39 percent of the college women have not had sexual intercourse. So, any college girl who still has her virginity is definitely not "the only one not doing it."We would do well to remember that sex was first of all God's idea.

God created and planned for our bodies to respond the way they do. The fun of sex wasn't first discovered in a drunken frat house. What God provided a model for, at least in Genesis, was a fulfilling sexual relationship between a man and woman set up as partners for life. A positively ancient idea that somehow still works for a lot of folks.

If you're interested, there is more information about:
The most important event of all time and
The most important Book of all time.

email this message to a friend   |   DW Home

Contributed by Melodie Davis from her weekly columnANOTHER WAY (http://www.thirdway.com/aw/).For information on using Another Way in a local newspaper, contact:ANOTHER WAY, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801-2497; or call1-800-999-3534; fax at 540-434-5556; or email me at:Melodie@mennomedia.org