Understanding Your Co-Worker From Mars

People are different. Joe is always late to meetings. Deb isn't comfortableunless she's ten minutes early.Pete likes order. Kay likes things to looklived in. How can we understand what is going on with differences inpersonality, and how do these differences affect our relationships? What welearn about getting along with each other in marriage can be instructionalin workplace relationships, and vice versa.

I observed different work styles between a married couple leading a workshoptogether. During coffee breaks, the wife wanted to pin down an exacttimetable for the upcoming session, while the husband wanted to "go with theflow."

When asked later about differences in their own workstyles, Meg said she'sthe kind of speaker who prefers beginning at least three weeks ahead of timeto plan things, consulting dozens of books, and drawing on the ideas ofothers before trusting her own. Craig, on the other hand, feels comfortablewaiting until two or three days before a presentation to pull his notestogether, confident in this own ideas and resources.

I found their differences refreshing, comforting and instructional. At homeI'm frequently frustrated when my husband calls for my opinion or help on awoodworking or metal project as he putters in the shop. I know next tonothing about wood or welding, but he is the type of person who likes todouble-check his ideas with someone else. He collects lots of informationbefore making a decision. Over the years I've learned that he prefersteamwork to going solo. I, on the other hand, work best by myself.As newlyweds, you tend to think that these quirky twists of personality arepeculiar to just you and your mate. Over time, you learn you have lots ofcompany.

My ways of working are just as alien to my husband, and neither of us arenecessarily "right". These are bonafide different personality styles. Oneconsultant says that others seem like "Martians" to us because our headssimply work in different ways.

Patrick Fraleigh and Susan Gilmore are psychologists who havedescribed four basic, common workstyles:

* The Human Radar - A person like this always keeps theirantenna up for other people. The strengths of a person like this aresensitivity, tactfulness, sociableness and flexibility. Their weakness isthe problem of saying yes to too many people, becoming a doormat.

* Turtle with a Computer - This is an analyzing person whoneeds lots of data before moving ahead. This person is full of questionsabout any idea, and will never be accused of being "half baked;" they can befrustrating to idea-generating people.

* Semi-Truck - Picture a semi-truck barreling down aninterstate in the left lane and you'll get an idea of this workstyle:barging ahead and expecting others to do likewise or get out of the way. Thepositive thing about this type is they give you lots of room to come bargingin with your own ideas.

* Bicycle Built for Two - This is the kind of person who getsmuch more done if someone else is around. She needs someone to check with,talk with, and bounce ideas off of.

So maybe it isn't so much that men are like dogs: human beings are eachdelightfully unique. The good news about all this is that understandingthese key differences between you and your spouse or a co-worker can helpyou avoid situations where you are driven up the wall. We'll look more atthis topic next time.

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Contributed by Melodie Davis from her weekly columnANOTHER WAY (http://www.thirdway.com/aw/).For information on using Another Way in a local newspaper, contact:ANOTHER WAY, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801-2497; or call1-800-999-3534; fax at 540-434-5556; or email me at:Melodie@mennomedia.org