Heard It Through The Grapevine

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10I recently received an unexpected email from a woman I went to highschool with over twenty years ago.She had seen my name mentionedin the alumni updates of the school newspaper, and thought it mightbe nice to drop an old (no pun intended) classmate a line. Weshared a few emails; talking about life then and now. I wassurprised to hear that during her high school years she endured avery difficult situation; living with abusive and alcoholicparents. I told her that my own high school years were not verywarmly regarded either, and my own pain was at the hands, or moreaccurately, the mouths, of some of my own peers.This particular group of girls seemed to relish gossip. Didn'tmatter if it was true or false; as long as it was juicy, it wasworth repeating. While they were wagging their tongues aboutsomeone else, it didn't really matter, but once I became theirtarget, it was then I realized how hurtful spreading rumors can be.During my Freshman and Sophomore years I was quite naive and shy,thus, I was not the most popular kid in school. I suppose the rumorstarted when someone noticed I wasn't yet dating, didn't reallytalk to the boys in the halls, and my best friend, Jean, and I,seemed inseparable. Someone with an over-active imagination decidedthat I didn't date boys because I didn't like boys, if you get mydrift?

During those two years, Jean and I endured so much blatantname-calling and whispers behind our backs that she began to hateschool. At the end of Junior year, Jean graduated early. She hadher fill.

I began to blossom, both physically and emotionally, in Juniorand Senior year, and although I found no boy worthy to datesteadily, I began to have guy friends. Much to my chagrin, therumors did not cease, but the same group of girls decided to moveme from one end of the spectrum to the other. In short, theyattacked my honor and morals, now saying I liked boys too much! Iassume that bit of gossip grew wings after a boy had given me aride home from my first official high school party. He asked me fora kiss. I declined. He returned to the party. Turns out, wantingto preserve his own reputation as a ladies man, he made our ridehome sound more eventful than what it was.

I was glad to finally graduate from high school, but the mostsignificant lessons I learned were not those taught by any teacher.I learned to not judge until I found out the facts straight fromthe horses mouth, and to take every bit of gossip with a grain ofsalt. As I grew older, wiser and stronger, I made the decision tonot give tale-bearers a forum unless the person they were attackingwas also present. Funny how those formerly eager horn-blowerssuddenly fell silent!

Now a mother, I have, at times, witnessed my own children and someof their friends, stung on occasion, by the pang of hurtfultale-bearers. Sometimes, I have even had to chastise them forbeing a part of the gossip. Soon, school will be back in session, and I can only wonder how theyoung people of our community will walk in to school, with headheld high, or in defense posture to ward off possible verbal blows.

Engaging in conversation with friends is a joy! However, the verynature of gossip and rumor is that it is information which may ormay not be true. The rumor may have some shred of truth to it, butwith each person it was passed along to, the story took on a wholenew meaning, just like that game you play where someone whispers aphrase in your ear, and you have to pass it down the line fromperson to person. By time the phrase gets down to the last person,it sounds nothing like it originally began!

Be a real friend. If you must say something about another personbehind their back then it probably isn't worth repeating.

Spiritual application: Did you know that the words our mouth utters tell a lot about the type of person we are? The true contents of our heart has a funny way of slipping out even when we think no one is listening. However, someone IS watching. God. And it grieves God to know that His children are walking about hurting one another, rather than concerning themselves with what is more important; our own relationship with Him. While we are busy whispering about this or that person who had a secret affair, or the unmarried girl down the street who is pregnant, there are brothers and sisters out in the world who are suffering and thirsty for the attention of a truly caring friend.

Our words and actions can be used for great good, or they can be used to cause injury to others.

Today, if your words have been used for an ungodly purpose, won't you consider asking God for forgiveness? Erase hurt and replace it with God's glory!

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Contributed by Melanie Schurr (Copyright (c)2003 Melanie Schurr) Melanie Schurr is author of "Ecstatic Living Ecstatic Loving: How to have more peace and joy in marriage, and life in general by walking in harmony with God," and "Son Salutations: A refreshing collection of modern inspirations for those who seek God each day." For more information, visit her web page at www.angelfire.com/mi/melschurr