Daily Wisdom 02-14-2005 Monster Mom

It was Valentine's Day, the day we're supposed to be celebrating love,but I didn't feel all lovey-dovey or ooey-gooey. I felt more frumpy-grumpy and slouchy-grouchy. I was off to a bad start when the outfit I wanted to wear was suddenly about a size and a half too small. I was sure someone had been sneaking into my closet and washing all of my clothes in hot water. Dastardly! It made me crave Valentine chocolates. On top of that, I had been trying all day to get the house picked up so I could have a relatively guilt-free date with my favorite Valentine. But the kids weren't cooperating. I got the family room picked up, then noticed the next time I went through that someone had dumped out the box of crayons (you know, the giant shoebox where we keep generations of crayon crumbs, plus the paper that used to be wrapped around them).

I finally got the kitchen all cleaned, then passed through a few minutes later to find someone had fixed a bologna sandwich. The bread was left out and open. The bologna was out and the cat was staring at it with great interest. The mayonnaise was left out, too, though I'd say more of it was smeared on the counter than was left in the bottle.

I don't know why I move so much faster when I'm fuming. Maybe I should work up a good fury every time I clean. I'd get it all done in less than half the time. Anyway, as I dashed across the kitchen in fume mode, I ran into the open dishwasher door. Though my kids are not necessarily known for using the dishwasher for its original purpose, I've noticed they often help me use it as an effective shin-finding device. I don't know how I managed to smash both shins on the thing, but I did. I was leaning on the counter, holding my breath, wondering how many lovely colors my shins would be sporting the next few weeks. At least they'd match.

When I finally let out the breath I was holding, it came out as a bellow to my kids: "News flash, people! This place is a disaster again!"

That did it. I had an off-the-cuff lecture and I knew how to use it. I brought up everything that they had done that they weren't supposed to, and everything they hadn't done that they were supposed to have done. I pointed out a fault here and threw in a scolding there, and then a few good nags just for good measure. I may have even accused them of viciously laundering my clothes; I'm not sure. I finished it off with, "Why don't I just give each one of you a chili dog and a glass of cherry soda and seat you on my off-white sofa?" Valentine love filled the air.

Richie and I eventually got our Valentine date that night, but I was spent. I had put a lot of energy into building a nice little celebration. I had put out loads of energy trying to get my house in order. I had put even more energy behind the delivery of my surly speech. But as things settled down and I could think about the day, I realized I hadn't put much energy into making it a real day of love around the house. What a waste of energy.

Romans 14:19 says, "So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault." (The Message) Some days, building love requires more than a little energy. It requires all of it. But then, dragging people down by finding fault is a real energy-drain too.

I want to do a better job of spending my energies wisely. If respecting my children with words of love requires the same energy as dissing them, why diss? "Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk," we're told in Ephesians 4:31 (The Message). Even when we're stressed, we can guard our words. First Thessalonians 5:14 gives us these instructions: "And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out." (The Message)

Even words of discipline can be delivered with love and respect with just the right battery power invested. Where can I find the power? I can find it when I stay plugged in to the love of Jesus. In John 15:9, Jesus said, "Now remain in my love." Remain in, stay connected to, His love.

Jesus was serious about love. He made it a command in John 13. "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (verses 34-35, NIV). He certainly didn't command us to do anything He wasn't willing to do himself. He instructs us to love the way He loves us. Christ loves to the max. He loved all the way to the cross. When we love with His kind of sacrificial love, everyone we encounter will understand what a difference he makes in our lives. They'll know we're His discipleseven at every dishwasher door encounter.

Do I have to admit how little I look like a disciple when I'm nagging? Mayonnaise messes and crayon clutter really are "little things." I want to spend my energy becoming the "disciple-looking" mom, not the monster one. The Mom-zilla look is just not the look for me though you might not readily know that if you could have seen the color of these shins.

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Rhonda Rhea writes for dozens of Christian publications and speaks at conferences and events across the country. You can find her newest books, "Soup for the Soul-Tastes Just Like Chicken", and "Amusing Grace", at your local Christian bookstore. "Who Put the Cat in the Fridge-Serving Up Hope and Hilarity Family Style", will be available in March. Rhonda's husband, Richie Rhea, is a pastor in Troy, Missouri. You can reach them through her Web site.