Vice #2: Get to the Bottom of Anger

Last month I kind of backed into doing a series of columns on the "Seven Deadly Sins," or vices, as they are sometimes called. I wrote about envy. The response was good to that column so I thought I'd continue in that vein and look at other common problems that plague us all.

Actually, of course, the so-called seven deadly sins don't come from the Bible at all, but theologians and church leaders came up with them later to help people like you and me remember common evils (and hopefully not commit them). Eventually, Pope Gregory the Great, in the 6th century standardized the list which had fluctuated between six or eight and played with different words that more or less meant the same things. The "list" I'll use is: pride, envy, anger, sloth, avarice, gluttony and lust.

We'll start with anger because that's easy. Of course anger is bad and you shouldn't engage in it. Period. You could say that about all the seven vices. But wait a minute. Jesus got angry. A lot of good people get angry. A vice is a vice because it is a very common problem, as we noted last month, about envy.

I used to think that anger wasn't a problem for me. I am, by nature, fairly easy going. I chalked that up to being a third child, and a middle one at that.

Then I got married, and found my temper flaring in the daily rub of living with a person 365 days a year. Everyone has adjustment problems, right? It wasn't that he was so awful, it was working out those irritations and different expectations. I remember one time I found myself taking out my frustrations and anger on the dog, and I realized that I had a temper. A flaring temper is usually a symptom of underlying anger.

It strikes me that there is a lot of anger floating around these days. Someone has called programs that allow/encourage talk show participants to talk loudly over the top of one another "shout TV." You could call many talk radio shows "shout radio." Consequently, I become so angry that I turn the radio or TV off or flip the channel. Supposedly people enjoy this kind of real live human conflict and consider it entertaining. It brings listeners and viewers. Not me; I do not tolerate it, and I don't think that kind of anger is wrong!

Some highways bear signs saying "Watch out for aggressive drivers." As if there were bears or other dangerous animals stalking the highways. I would rather have a bear chase my car than an aggressive driver follow me closely because I accidentally cut him off.

Why are people in our society so angry? Is it today's lifestyle? The increasing polarization of left and right? Lack of common courtesy?

The Bible has great wisdom about anger and actually points us to clues as to how to handle it. The most commonly cited passage about Jesus and "righteous" anger comes in the Gospel of Matthew 21 where Jesus overthrew tables of merchants in the temple. John the Baptist called certain religious leaders of the day a "brood of vipers" because of their hypocrisy (Matthew 3). These are examples of righteous anger, and certainly it is right to be incensed about evils, oppression, or injustice.

But the bible also contains passages that indicate it is okay to experience anger; just not to be overcome by it. In the book of Titus in the New Testament, a bishop is described as being "blameless, not self willed, not soon angry" In the book of Ephesians, readers are told, "Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath."

This is the golden rule for dealing with anger: get over it. Confess your anger to your mate, child, co-worker, or dog, if you must. Ask forgiveness. Never go to bed angry. That is something that has worked for me and my husband for the last 30-plus years.

What if you are in a situation where you can't really confess your anger and just "get over it?" What if you are angry with a boss or you find yourself continually raging about a child's problems, a father's overbearing nature, or a neighbor who makes you fume?

It is helpful to try and deal with the situation rather than ignore it or smooth it over. At a calm time, state your problem in "I" language and try to explore what is going on. Get help from a neutral party or professional if necessary. Continual anger is not only a vice, it is dangerous to your health and to the people you love.

If you're interested, there is more information about:
The most important event of all time and
The most important Book of all time.

email this message to a friend   |   DW Home

Contributed by Melodie Davis: MelodieD@MennoMedia.org Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way