Just the Right Words

This is a story which came from a reader of my newspaper column in response to a request for stories about words that had somehow changed them.

"Back in the mid-70's, someone said something that helped me see what I couldn't see. I always felt my mother didn't really love me but there were more problems than that, including alcohol and abuse. We used to lie for my father and eventually my mom started to drink too--she once said she wanted to see why my father enjoyed it so much. But she couldn't handle her liquor the way he could. When she was drinking she let out her true feelings about me. I knew I wasn't good looking or brilliant or talented enough.

But she was a hard worker and all her co-workers told her how wonderful she was. Her family thought she was wonderful. It finally dawned on me that this woman who was so well thought of by so many people didn't think well of me. My own mother. I decided she must be right, that I was unlovable.

I started dating my wife-to-be when we were 16. I always feared she would break up with me as soon as she learned how unlovable I was. Even after we were married, I knew she would decide I wasn't lovable and would leave. I was scared and made us miserable, but she stuck around. My mother didn't think much of her either, and let us know.

Then a friend, who had never met my mother, challenged me. One day when my mother was coming to visit, I made a joke and said that my wife was trying to find a way to get away from the house and my mother. 'Typical mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship,' I joked. But my friend said, 'Well, I have never met your mother, but I have met you wife, so your mother must be wrong.'

I couldn't believe my ears. Here was someone who didn't think my mother was perfect! His words had such a ripple effect. Eventually I came to realize that, even though I'm not perfect, I'm not bad. I started to realize that I support our family, and our children seem to be turning out just fine with God's help, and I hope some help from us. And yes, I now know my wife loves me very much. There is no way on earth a woman who didn't love me would have put up with me all these years.

I had not thought of this man in many, many years. It may sound amazing that I couldn't figure this out on my own, but his words were like music. It took an outsider to open my eyes. His words were truly the beginning of a new life for me."

Who could use your encouragement? Many times it is other people who can help us see ourselves--or others--through new eyes.

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Contributed by Melodie Davis: MelodieD@MennoMedia.org Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way